Understanding life inside
Understand the everyday questions your loved one may be facing, and find a useful way to talk about them.
Help with prison visit costs ↗ · Find family support ↗
I built these guides from the practical conversations I had as a peer mentor. Sometimes the first useful thing is understanding the system, then working out one next step.
For someone who cannot use the website
The companion sheets speak directly to the person inside. Print the full pack or choose one topic. Before sending or using a copy in custody, check the establishment’s arrangements.
Open the printable sheets ↗Download an offline copy ↧
Find the prison’s address, contacts and visiting information ↗
Choose what you want to understand
Open a topic to read it. These pages explain questions to ask; local arrangements still need checking.
The first days insideWhy the first conversation matters more than remembering everything.
What families can understand
A person can arrive with worries about family, forms, money and everyday routines all at once. A quiet call or an uncertain answer does not tell you everything about how they are coping.
Questions for a conversation
- What is the main thing you need help with today?
- Have you had the local induction explained in a way you understand?
- Do you know which staff or approved peer support you can ask?
How you can help, within your limits
Listen and work through one concern at a time. You do not need to turn every call into a checklist. If they do not want to talk yet, leave the door open.
When I was on induction, I would approach the new lads, introduce myself and ask whether they had been in prison before and how they were getting on. I wouldn’t start firing questions at them from a form. A lot of people put an act on when they first arrive because they’re trying to fit in. Somebody saying “I’m sound” didn’t always mean they were alright.
I’d let them tell me what was going round their head, then help break it down. It might be phone numbers, medication, family or a form they couldn’t read. Sometimes explaining one thing properly made the rest feel more manageable. If they didn’t want help, I’d make sure they knew where to find me. That’s what I mean by conversation first, checklist second.
Read or print the companion sheet ↗
Before the Gate resources 18. Current information: Arriving at prison: GOV.UK ↗ · Find the prison and its information: GOV.UK ↗. Links checked 15 October 2026.
Read the full reception and induction guide ↗ · Prepare before sentencing ↗
Waiting for phone contactUnderstand the questions to ask when numbers or calls are delayed.
What families can understand
Prison phone contact uses an approval process. In England and Wales, ordinary phone calls are made by the person inside to approved contacts. A delay can have different causes; it is not proof that someone does not want to speak.
Questions for a conversation
- Have you asked whether the number request was received?
- Do staff know what is not working?
- What is the next approved step if it is still waiting?
How you can help, within your limits
Keep your contact details clear and use the prison’s published information. Agree realistic expectations about calls. Nobody should share a PIN, use another person’s account or bypass a contact restriction.
Phone numbers not going onto the system was something lads asked me about all the time. I’d ask when they put the request in, whether they had heard anything and how long they had been waiting. Then I’d speak to the appropriate staff to find out what was happening.
Sometimes there was a backlog, sometimes a technical problem, and sometimes checks were still being done. I couldn’t promise when a number would be approved. But there was a big difference between telling somebody to “be patient” and going back with an explanation. For the person inside and the family waiting outside, not knowing can be a big part of the worry.
Read or print the companion sheet ↗
Before the Gate resources 15, 23. Current information: Keeping in touch: GOV.UK ↗ · Find the prison and its information: GOV.UK ↗. Links checked 15 October 2026.
Applications and unanswered requestsA request being sent is the beginning, rather than the end.
What families can understand
An application may be on paper or use a local digital system. The person needs to know which route applies, whether it went through and what happens next. Repeatedly sending the same request may not explain what happened to the first one.
Questions for a conversation
- What did you ask for, and when?
- Was there confirmation or a reply?
- Who deals with it, and what is the next local step?
How you can help, within your limits
Help them organise their question, rather than promising a reply or blaming a department without knowing the facts. If a deadline matters, encourage them to explain it clearly to the appropriate staff.
I didn’t think my job was finished because I’d helped somebody put an application in. I’d go back and ask whether they had heard anything. If they hadn’t, I’d find out what the request was for, when it went in and what had happened to the first one before telling them to send another.
There could be a lot of applications and only a small number of staff dealing with them. I wouldn’t assume somebody was being ignored. I’d try to get an answer from the right people and take it back. If you say you’ll find out, find out. People remember whether you actually came back.
Read or print the companion sheet ↗
Before the Gate resources 9, 17. Current information: Find the prison and its information: GOV.UK ↗. Links checked 15 October 2026.
Help with reading, writing and formsSupport without embarrassment or taking over.
What families can understand
A form or letter can be a barrier even when someone knows exactly what they want to say. Reading, language, eyesight or unfamiliar wording can all play a part. Do not assume you know the reason.
Questions for a conversation
- Would it help to go through it one part at a time?
- Do you want help putting your own words into the request?
- Would you like to ask about reading or communication support?
How you can help, within your limits
Offer help privately and let them decide. If a letter needs a legal, medical or financial explanation, help them prepare a question for the right professional. Do not guess at specialist advice.
Lads would openly tell me they couldn’t read properly or didn’t understand the applications. Just handing someone a form wasn’t helping if they couldn’t use it. I’d get the right one, ask what they wanted to say and help write it in their words. Then I’d read it back and check they were happy with it.
The same happened with letters. If there was something we didn’t understand, especially in a solicitor’s letter, we wouldn’t guess. We’d help them ask the right person to explain it. I wanted them to get what they needed without feeling embarrassed or having the whole thing taken out of their hands.
Read or print the companion sheet ↗
Before the Gate resources 10. Current information: Education and work: GOV.UK ↗ · Find the prison and its information: GOV.UK ↗. Links checked 15 October 2026.
Money, canteen and family pressureMaking money last while recognising the family’s limits.
What families can understand
Canteen is the prison shop or ordering system. Understanding what money is available and making purchases last can help someone plan. Money sent from outside also comes out of a family member’s budget.
Questions for a conversation
- Do you understand your local account and canteen arrangements?
- What do you need most before the next order?
- Are you being pressured to hand over money or belongings?
How you can help, within your limits
Agree what you can realistically afford. You do not need to borrow or go without essentials to meet every request. Use the official money service and ask staff about payment problems. Pressure or threats need support, rather than another payment to somebody else.
I used to jokingly call it “canteen management”. Some lads would use everything as soon as it arrived, then start borrowing to get through the rest of the week. I’d talk about putting some things aside and making them last. Once you’re caught in a cycle of borrowing, it can be hard to get out of it.
I’d also ask who was sending the money in. Their mum, partner or family might be struggling themselves and still sending it because they didn’t want to say no. That money had come out of somebody else’s pocket. And if there was pressure or a threat behind a debt, that wasn’t just a budgeting conversation. It needed the appropriate staff involved.
Read or print the companion sheet ↗
Before the Gate resources 13, 4. Current information: Sending money: GOV.UK ↗ · Find the prison and its information: GOV.UK ↗. Links checked 15 October 2026.
Missing or delayed propertyDescribe the problem clearly and ask about the proper route.
What families can understand
A property issue can add to the stress of arriving or transferring. It helps to distinguish something missing, something delayed and uncertainty about what is allowed. Nobody outside can guarantee that an item will be permitted or recovered.
Questions for a conversation
- What is missing, and when did you notice?
- Do you have a property list or receipt to check?
- Have you asked which staff deal with property queries?
How you can help, within your limits
Help them organise the facts. Check the specific prison’s rules before sending or arranging belongings. If an item is allegedly taken under pressure, the safety concern matters as well as the property.
Sometimes the first problem a lad told me about wasn’t the whole problem. He might say his television was broken, but after listening you’d find out it had been swapped or someone had taken advantage of him because he was new. That taught me to ask what had actually happened, rather than only deal with the item.
Other times, property was missing or delayed and the person needed help understanding their list or putting the query into words. I could help with that and find the right staff to ask. I couldn’t promise it would be found, and a concern about intimidation needed staff support, not a peer trying to investigate it.
Read or print the companion sheet ↗
Before the Gate resources 14. Current information: Arriving at prison: GOV.UK ↗ · Find the prison and its information: GOV.UK ↗. Links checked 15 October 2026.
Education and learningWhat might be available, who to ask and how to get started.
Start with what you want to learn
You might want to improve your reading, gain a qualification, learn a trade or study a subject you have always been interested in. You do not have to arrive with a career plan. Start with one thing you would like to work towards.
This guide covers adult prisons in England and Wales. Courses, entry requirements and application arrangements vary. Ask the education team what is actually running at your establishment.
What could be available?
- English and maths: support with reading, writing and numbers, and courses leading towards qualifications.
- Practical and vocational learning: the local offer may include workshop-based skills such as woodwork, engineering or gardening. Ask which courses lead to a recognised qualification.
- Digital skills: ask what computer-based learning is provided through approved facilities. This does not mean unrestricted internet access.
- Reading and numeracy support: ask about a Shannon Trust mentor or the local equivalent if you want help outside a classroom setting.
- Distance learning and higher education: ask whether a suitable correspondence course, an Open University Access module or further study could be supported.
These are options to ask about, not a course list for every prison. A course may have prerequisites, limited places or a waiting list.
How to get started inside
- Ask who handles education applications. During induction, or later through staff, ask how to contact the education department. Use the approved paper, kiosk or other local route.
- Explain your interest and starting point. Tell education about previous learning and qualifications. Ask how any initial assessment will help identify a suitable level and support.
- Ask for the current course list. Check entry requirements, qualifications offered, timetable, start dates and whether there is a waiting list. Ask about the learning plan used at your prison.
- Complete the application. Ask an approved peer mentor or member of staff for help if reading, writing or understanding the form is difficult. They can help you ask; education decides on places and eligibility.
- Check what happens next. Ask whether your request was received, who will reply and how to follow up. Keep your own note of when you applied.
- Keep the conversation going. If you cannot attend or the course is not working for you, tell education what is getting in the way. When you finish, ask about the next level or a different goal.
If reading, writing or classroom learning feels difficult
You can say: “I want to learn, but I need some help getting started.” Ask education what support is available for reading, language, concentration, dyslexia or other learning needs. You do not need a peer mentor to diagnose you before asking staff for help.
Shannon Trust’s reading and numeracy programmes are free and can involve short, individual sessions with a trained peer mentor, at the learner’s pace, without exams. Ask education, the library or wing staff how to reach the local programme.
How Shannon Trust learning works ↗Can I study with the Open University or by distance learning?
It may be possible, but approval, course suitability and funding need sorting before you enrol or pay. In England and Wales, the Open University says people in prison must have permission from the governor or their representative; they do not apply directly in the ordinary way. Some modules cannot be supported in custody.
Ask education or the learning centre about the current secure-environment course guide, an introductory Access module, application deadlines, materials, tutor contact and exam arrangements.
Prisoners’ Education Trust supports distance learning in England, Wales, the Channel Islands and the Isle of Man. For its funded courses, ask education for the current prospectus and application form. Education supports the application, completes the staff section and sends it to PET. Funding is subject to its criteria and a decision; family members cannot apply on the learner’s behalf.
Open University study in custody ↗
Prisoners’ Education Trust courses and prospectus ↗
If you are waiting or something has gone wrong
Ask whether the issue is a missing application, entry requirement, waiting list, timetable clash, access difficulty or need for extra support. If a course is unavailable, ask what you can do meanwhile. A setback does not tell the whole story.
If you are moving prison or approaching release, tell education and your course provider early. Ask about transferring materials, keeping certificates, outstanding assessments and continuing learning afterwards. Do not assume everything will move automatically.
How families can help
Ask what the person wants to learn, rather than choosing for them. Encourage them to ask about the current offer and support they need. If they have stopped attending, ask what happened before judging. Recognise progress, including small steps.
Check permission before buying or sending study materials. You can help someone prepare questions, but cannot guarantee a course place, make a PET application for them or expect staff to share their personal information.
When somebody said he didn’t want to waste his sentence, I’d ask what he was interested in and what he wanted to do afterwards. I worked closely with education, so I could help him find out about courses and how to apply. I’d also talk about my own decision to study psychology. I wanted lads to see that learning could be something for them too.
If someone stopped attending, I wouldn’t immediately decide he couldn’t be bothered. I’d ask what had happened and whether something was getting in the way. And when someone finished a course, I’d congratulate him, then ask what he wanted to do next. Getting onto one course wasn’t the end of the conversation.
Questions to take to education
- What courses are running, and how do I put my name down?
- What level should I start at, and what help can I get?
- What qualification does the course lead to?
- Is there a waiting list, and how should I follow up?
- Can you help me explore distance learning or the Open University?
- What happens to my learning if I transfer or leave prison?
Read or print the education conversation sheet ↗
Adapted from Before the Gate Resource 21: Education and Training. Current information checked 16 October 2026: GOV.UK: education and work ↗ · Shannon Trust ↗ · Open University ↗ · PET: family and friends ↗. Links open independent services. Local availability, eligibility and approvals need checking; no place, funding or outcome is guaranteed.
Work and purpose in custodyExplore opportunities without promising a prison job.
What families can understand
Work or a useful role can provide routine and experience. Available roles and allocation decisions depend on the establishment. A person’s interests and support needs should lead the conversation.
Questions for a conversation
- What kind of work or activity would interest you?
- Do you know where to ask about current opportunities?
- If you stopped attending, was something getting in the way?
How you can help, within your limits
Talk about skills and next steps without comparing them to other people. Recognise a start or a small achievement. The decision about a role belongs to the appropriate staff.
Not everybody wanted the same thing from their time inside. I’d ask what interested them instead of deciding for them. Some wanted a job on the wing; others wanted training or something they could build on after release. I could help them understand the available route and put an application in, but I couldn’t give them the job.
If a lad stopped going to work or a course, I’d want to know why. He might be dealing with something personal, struggling mentally or have another problem he hadn’t mentioned. Calling him lazy wouldn’t tell me any of that. The useful conversation was: “What happened, mate? Is something getting in the way?”
Read or print the companion sheet ↗
Before the Gate resources 20. Current information: Education and work: GOV.UK ↗ · Find the prison and its information: GOV.UK ↗. Links checked 15 October 2026.
Visits and family worriesMake room for the person inside and the family outside.
What families can understand
A visit involves preparation on both sides. Travel costs, accessibility, children’s needs and contact approvals may all affect what is possible. Contact needs to be safe, wanted and permitted.
Questions for a conversation
- Which part of arranging contact is difficult?
- Have you asked the local visits or family support team?
- What would make the next conversation or visit more manageable?
How you can help, within your limits
Use the prison’s current visitor information. If a child needs support, a caregiver can choose a private conversation with school. You do not have to explain family circumstances publicly or promise visits you cannot manage.
When a lad was worried about home, I’d ask what was actually worrying him. Was he waiting for phone numbers? Were travel costs stopping visits? Was he worried about the children? Those are different problems, so I wouldn’t give everybody the same answer.
If the worry was about school, I’d ask whether their partner or family had spoken to someone there. My own children had counselling when I went into prison, although I couldn’t promise that for another family. If there had been no news from home, I’d ask whether the appropriate staff could help check on the family through the permitted route. Then I’d go back and ask whether they had managed contact and what was still on their mind.
Prepare for your first visit with a checklist ↗
Read or print the companion sheet ↗
Before the Gate resources 16, 23. Current information: Prison visits: GOV.UK ↗ · Keeping in touch: GOV.UK ↗ · Find the prison and its information: GOV.UK ↗. Links checked 15 October 2026.
Supporting someone as a peer mentor?
Start with your role, boundaries, a good conversation and following up.
Explore the peer mentor guide ↗Created for Before the Gate. General preparation and conversation prompts for England and Wales. Check individual and local arrangements with the relevant prison or professional. These pages do not submit requests or contact the prison for you.